Nothing says sucker like a Trump bible

Bible: $60. Mussolini glare: Priceless.

 Well, I got my Trump sneakers ($400). Ordered a number of Trump bibles ($60 a pop plus handling). Up to my ass in DJT stock ($62 and falling). So I’m good to go. When Trump starts handing out ambassadorships after the election, I should be near the front of the line.

Trump likes loyalty. But he loves suckers. So now is the time for all good men (and certain bodacious babes) to suck as hard as we can. Now is the time to buy as much Trump merch as possible, pronto. It will make his day a little brighter. Just put it all on your credit card if you don’t have the cash. (And there’s a good chance you don’t if you’re a longtime Trump investor.) Oh, and word to the wise: Trump will be unveiling a line of Proud Boy Beanie Babies on Monday, so save some of your credit limit for that too.

Most politicians just ask for money, and don’t give you anything in return.  Trump does too. But he also offers all this pricey merchandise and wildly overpriced meme stock. Yes, it’s throwing money down the toilet. But don’t look at it as an investment. Look at it as a chance to let your descendants know where you stood when the libtards came calling.